Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
