just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
