I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
