I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
