Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I touched a dick in church today
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
