I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
