she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
