Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
