Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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