I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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