just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
