I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
