After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
