Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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