Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
