Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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