I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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