you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
