if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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