I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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