I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
