once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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