i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
