i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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