she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
