Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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