The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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