Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
