I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
