I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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