..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
