This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
