I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
