it was like eating out sand paper
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just forgot I was standing up.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
