Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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