apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
