i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
