you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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