I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
