I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
