i think i have two assholes
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
