Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
