My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
