you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
