I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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