Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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