I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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