i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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