If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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