end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
