My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
