My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
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Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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