i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
