Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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