He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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