i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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