Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
